Love as Hate
by AgateophobicDetraque
Summary: Nelliel feels hurt when Nnoitra tells her he hates her, and both may have feelings for each other. But what happens when Nnoitra shows it? Rated T for suggested themes.


It hurt. It hurt more than anything else. It hurt more than getting pierced one thousand times by her own zankpakuto. It hurt more than being unaccepted and unloved in her own massive home. It hurt more than the thought of her being demoted and kicked out. It hurt so much more. What, you ask, hurt so much?

Having Nnoitra hate her.

She didn't know why, but when Nnoitra Jiruga told Nelliel Tu Oderschvank that he hated her, a feeling of sadness erupts in the deep pits of her bottomless stomach. As she walked through the halls of the grand palace Las Noches, she thought about her most recent fight with Nnoitra.

"_I'm gonna kill you!" Nnoitra Jiruga launched his giant axe-like weapon at Nelliel. She easily dodged it which made Nnoitra's anger flare up even more._

"_Stop moving so much!" He tried to slash at her and she once again dodged, appearing behind him._

"_If I were to stop moving, then I would allow myself to get hit, which is not going to happen anytime soon." Nelliel dodged another attack and Nnoitra's glare intensified._

"_You think you know everythinng, don't cha?! Well, ya don't!!"_

"_I'm aware of that."_

_Nnoitra felt his anger rise up again and attacked her again. This time Nelliel drew her sword and used it to block Nnoitra's attack._

"_What is the reason for your constant trying to defeat me?"_

"_I...I hate you! That's my reason!"_

_Nelliel sighed and threw Nnoitra back._

"_That's not reason. That's instinct." She withdrew her sword and walked away._

She sighed again and continued walking through the white halls. Suddenly she felt a familiar presence and heard a familiar laugh.

"Hyahahaha! My, my, Nelliel. What brings you to the halls of Las Noches?"

She saw Nnoitra leaning on a wall up ahead but barely acknowledged his presence, let alone answer his question. She walked past him and was suddenly stopped by his appearing in front of her. He had his arm on the wall and was blocking the way.

"Now, now, don't ignore me."

"Get out of the way."

"Make me."

"I won't repeat myself again." Nelliel glared at Nnoitra, which made his evil grin widen.

"Are you getting mad?"

"..." She tried to step around him, but he wouldn't allow it. She was suddenly pushed against a wall and had her wrists held up tightly above her head. She looked up at Nnoitra's towering figure and noticed the evil grin had turned into a malicious smirk.

"What are you doing?" Nelliel questioned Nnoitra and he leaned in closer.

"Just this." He crashed his lips onto hers and she froze. Was the fierce Octava Espada actually **kissing **her? She was schocked. She was even more shocked once she found herself kissing back. She could feel him smirk against her lips and pushed himself against her. She felt something hard brush against her lower breast and realized was it was.

"_That's his...!" _She felt her face heat up a bit and Nnoitra pulled away. His smirk was still plastered on his face, and it was irritating Nelliel.

"Why are you blushing, Nelliel?" His smirk was still plastered on his face, and it was irritating Nelliel. She only stayed silent. He picked her up and sonidoed to his room. Her attention immediately turned to the bed on which she was dropped a few seconds after. Nnoitra crawled over her and smirked again. He crashed his lips onto hers once again and licked her bottom lip. Nelliel kept her mouth closed, which, to her surprise, made him smirk even more. He gripped her right breast tightly which made her gasp. He took the chance to insert his tongue into her mouth and explored every inch of it. He rubbed his tongue against Nelliel's, which a moan to rise up in her throat. With a lot of effort, she was able to hold it back. He suddenly pulled away and his smirk grew eviler. Nelliel gasped. Was he going to do what she thought he was going to do?

"Ha, are you scared, Nelliel?" Nnoitra started playing with her sea-foam colored hair. He pulled it to his nose and took a whiff before sticking it in his mouth and licking and sucking it. Nelliel looked at Nnoitra with disgust in her eyes, but a hint of fear in them as well. Nnoitra of course didn't fail to notice this and let go of her hair. He grabbed her shirt and was about to rip it off, but was stopped by hands covering his own. His smirk disappeared and was replaced with a look of confusion. He stared at Nelliel, who had regained herself and had her eyes closed.

"If you dont get off me, I will make you get off." Her voice was soft yet deadly. Nnoitra glared at her peaceful figure and pulled her by her collar.

"Never." Nnoitra nearly growled out the word. Nelliel only sighed and opened her eyes. They held no emtion whatsoever, which surprised Nnoitra slightly. Suddenly he was pushed off and up against a wall. He glared down at Nelliel, who was the one pushing him.

"Why must you be so stubborn?" He didn't respond. She let go and walked away. Right when she was at the exit, Nnoitra spoke up.

"Nelliel Tu Oderschvank, I **hate **you!!" His voice was full of venom. Nelliel felt the usual feeling of hurt and sighed.

"I know." She walked out of the room and heard Nnoitra yell in frustration. She sighed again and continued walking. Nnoitra's words echoed in her head.

"_Nelliel Tu Oderschvank, I hate you, hate you, hate you, hate, you, hate...you..."_

She felt the same feeling of sadness, which was now accompanied by regret. Why did she leave? Did she not want this?

"_He was going to rape me. I did the right thing in leaving, didn't I?"_

She was so lost in her thoughts that she bumped into someone. And not just anyone, but one of the ex-shinigami. Both luckily and unluckily for her, it was Gin Ichimaru. It was lucky because it wasn't Aizen, and it was unlucky because, well, it was _Gin._

"Ya have ta watch where ya going!"

"I apologize." She bowed deeply but Gin noticed something wrong.

"Eh, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine." She tried to walk past him but he blocked the way. She turned around and began walking away.

"Aw, come on! Why won't ya tell me what's wrong?!"

"I don't mean to offend, but it's none of your business." She answered his question with her usual soft-yet-strong voice. She knew he was shocked, but she just walked and walked. She didn't know how long she walked, or why she was even walking. All she knew was that she didn't want Nnoitra to hate her.

**

A few days had passed since the incident involving Nnoitra, and Nelliel hadn't seen him since. She had been wondering where he was when she walked through the halls and in and out of rooms. She had even searched for him once, but to no avail. She was currently looking for her two Fraccion, Pesche and Dondachokka.

"Pesche, Dondachokka? Where are you two?" She looked through the rooms but couldn't find them anywhere. Her stomach growled and searched for them once more. She walked out a hall and froze. Standing a few feet from her was Nnoitra with his weapon in hand. He was smirking oddly at her.

"Happy to see me?"

"You wish. You should put that weapon away. If you truly want to seem dangerous, you'd hide it." Nelliel's answer irritated Nnoitra, but he stayed silent. Nelliel walked past him and heard a boom. She turned to see that Nnoitra had attacked the space which she stood a second ago. Once the smoke cleared away, she gasped. Lying on the ground were Pesche and Dondachokka with their masks completely torn off. She glared at Nnoitra.

"You tore off their masks, didn't you?"

"Yea, I did."

"Why?"

"'Cause I freakin' felt like it!!"

He launched in for an attack which Nelliel easily dodged. She was caught off guard when he suddenly appeared behind her. She dodged another attack and withdrew her sword. She swung her sword at him, and was sure it would it him. She was confused when it passed threw him. She realized he was a fake when the figure blurred and disappeared. She didn't have time to react as a part of her mask was slashed off. She fell to the ground unconscious and Nnoitra stood behind her, smirking. He gathered her up in a sack and took her to the roof of Las Noches.

"What do you want?" He seemed to be talking to the air, but Szayel stepped out to prove this wrong. He crossed his arms and ajusted his glasses.

"Oh nothing. I just came out here to watch."

"Well there's nothing to watch."

"I have to disagree." Szayel smirked and Nnoitra looked back at him confused.

"And just what the hell's THAT supposed to mean?!"

"It just means there's something to watch is all." Szayel's glasses held a glint that meant he was either lying or not telling the truth. Nnoitra decided to let it go and went back to what he was doing. He stood over the edge of the palace and dropped the three sacks. His eyes lingered on the one containing Nelliel and once the three dropped, he continued to stare at her.

"You held feelings for her, didn't you?" Nnoitra's head snapped towards Szayel at his rhetorical question.

"**What the hell **makes you think **that**?!?!" Nnoitra was starting to get very angry.

"I can tell by the way you always look at her. Your eyes are filled with hatred, yet they also hold love and affection."

By this point, Nnoitra was already holding Szayel up by his collar.

"Don't you **ever **say that again, you hear me?" He glared at Szayel, who chuckled in response.

"Loud and clear."

Nnoitra let go of him and was about to leave when a glow gathered Nelliel and the other two. He ran to the edge and saw that Nelliel had turned into a child.

"A kid?!"

"Wow, I surely have never seen a phenomenon like this. It was...unexpected." With that said, he left, leaving Nnoitra alone. He looked at Nelliel's child form and sighed. What if what Szayel had said was true? About him having feelings about Nelliel?

"_What am I thinking?! I don't have any feelings for her except hatred! Or do I...?"_

He quickly threw the thoughts aside and got off the rooftop. He remembered what he had done a few days ago. His plan then was to rape her, but he didn't know why. Had he loved her? Was what Szayel just said true? No. What Szayel said could **never **be true. Or could it...?

THE END


End file.
